By Alice Johnsen.

EVERY year Christmas is preceded not just by Advent but by a steadily building pressure cooker. From media and merchandise to crazy diary planning and an excess of carols, Christmas can feel a bit overwhelming. For those grieving, Christmas is especially challenging.

We all have different reasons for Christmas being special. For some, it is the food, for others, catching up with friends and family, and, of course, the presents. Centred around the religious festival are so many cheering things that bring joy and light to the depths of winter. And that is a good thing until it leads to such a high through its excess, the inevitable fall that follows outweighs the benefits.
The drive behind that excess is all too often fed by an enforced expectation from outside sources pushing us to presents, food, tableware, new sofas – why? – new homes, new, new, new…But let’s just remember, the people selling those things are not concerned with our budgets and real needs.
What is important to you at Christmas? And how do you want to feel in January? Can those questions become the reminders you use to keep your Christmas plans realistic?
We all know it is too easy to overspend. I’m not suggesting we cancel Christmas. But this is a plea for individuality and self-monitoring. What are we teaching our children if we say yes to everything? What pressures are we creating for ourselves if we set the bar too high?

Reining in Christmas excess is not easy. It can help to have a few stock answers ready. For example, when a friend invites you to bring your children to something and you know that’s beyond your budget: “That sounds wonderful and I’m so touched you thought of us, but the diary is already full enough that week so not this year, thanks.”
Or presents for teachers at school – a potential minefield but something small, delivered discreetly, is just as right and heartfelt as a large, ribbon-bedecked parcel paraded up the aisle of the nativity play. This is not a competition.

It might help to identify your own Christmas values, to decide what is important to you at Christmas. Once you focus on what matters to you and your family it is easier to build a Christmas around that, leaving aside the excesses that do not serve you well.

Alice Johnsen is a life coach based near Sherborne (07961 080513; alicejohnsen.co.uk)