How to help a child through trauma

blackmorevaleApril 24, 20210 Comment0

‘Everyone’s Invited’ is a website where young people can share their experience of abuse or trauma. Many of the stories, as standalone encounters, do not add up to a great wrong.

They are accounts of intrusive, offensive and thoughtless acts. Many are far more traumatic. Collectively they are a window into a society that has lost its way. They merge together to form a picture of a world young people must struggle to find their way through, accepting the unwanted, acting out the unacceptable and then living a lie by pretending what has happened is ok.

In such areas, where do we start to help our children? Surely our main role, whatever their age, is to keep the channels of communication not only open but positively flowing because parents need to be that safe place 52 where children can come to find out more, to test a theory, to discuss something or someone that is worrying them, to utter that cry for help.

We don’t need to know all the answers, but we do need to be approachable, honest and ready to listen. Perhaps we also need to live a good example. The rules of yesteryear just don’t apply anymore. Interaction with friends, availability of ‘information’ regardless of age, the way your past does not stay in the past, it’s right there in front of potential boyfriends, girlfriends, flatmates, employers, just a screen swipe away. At the very least, we need to examine how we interact with others, how we describe people or relate to people.

There has been media coverage of schools not accepting responsibility because the ‘incident’ took place out of school hours or away from school premises. Before I put my head above the parapet, I would also add there has been coverage of incidents that DID take place at school that were brushed under the carpet very firmly and in fact, as I write, a mother is sending me accounts of just such incidents. But, surely, just because our children are at school, we are still their parents.

Surely it never stops being our responsibility? If you’re wondering how to start this conversation, it’s easier to talk to your children avoiding eye contact. So, a walk or a car journey. It’s less confrontational and has a natural end point to the conversation when you get to the end of your journey.

A longer edition of this article is available by contacting Alice Johnsen. If you have been affected by this issue and would like support, please contact Alice.

Alice Johnsen is a life coach based just outside Sherborne. 07961 080513 or alicejohnsen.co.uk.