We are all in relationships – spouse, children, siblings, relatives, friends, neighbours, community and all who cross our paths. We’re also in relation to everything around us – animate and imamate things and objects; including our planet and the Universe.

However, the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. As we keep fingers crossed for a return to normality after a year’s upheaval now is a time for reflection, reassessment, spring cleaning, new goals and resolve.

We need to come together. The last time we were in a similar situation was after the war. We are all suffering from trauma.

Being locked down has been extremely challenging. It’s not all been doom and gloom. For some it’s been make or break, and in my work as a counsellor/psychotherapist I’ve witnessed some incredible resilience, determination, courage, strength, risk taking, honesty and fortitude in the face of adversity.

Many have sought solutions; to what sometimes seems insurmountable issues. Relationships have been high on my case load. Being confined has made many of us face things we struggle with. Fear, anxiety, uncertainty, lack of meaning and/or purpose, powerlessness, unmanageability, isolation, loneliness, irritability, frustration, anger, sadness, loss, grief, hurt, desperation, suicide ideation, exhaustion, depression. Self-destructive ways have soared; many don’t know what best to do. Confusion and exasperation has been huge. Romantic relationships have broken down, friendships finished, families have been dysfunctional, acquaintances lost – for some it’s been horrendous with domestic violence, arguments, resentments, envy, criticism, jealousy, rejection and despair.

We’ve found it hard to keep our character defects and shortcomings in check. Many feel they’re like a pressure cooker about to blow its lid. However, maybe we can try and find a mental health ‘silver lining’ to this pandemic? Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise in some way? Maybe it’s been like looking in a ‘mirror’ that we have avoided; which has reflected back to us the not so pleasant sides of our characters and personalities? Maybe it’s time we faced our fears and did a little work on ourselves and our relationships?

I sincerely believe we all want to love and be loved. We all want to feel worthwhile and to have meaning and purpose in our lives. I believe we’re all born good – a clean slate! It’s only our life experiences that mould us. The mixed messages that shape us. What we see, hear and do becomes our perception. We need a paradigm shift. A reality check. Healing. For our own peace of mind, we probably need to change a few things about ourselves.

Before we can help others we need to help ourselves. We need to be gentle with ourselves and others. We need compassion, empathy and understanding. We need forgiveness, acceptance and tolerance. Maybe we need to make big changes in our lives and this pandemic has flagged them up? Most of all, maybe we just need to be very grateful that we’ve survived – because many haven’t!

Psychotherapist David Stanton lives near Sherborne

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