by Alice Johnsen.

RECENTLY, someone contacted me asking me to shine a light on bullying in adults – an issue too often kept in the shadows.
I spoke to people about bullying at home and in the workplace and was shocked by how prolific it is, and how its effects have stayed with those individuals for life.
One person told me they only got out of their situation because their partner was a lawyer and could write to their employer addressing the issue of withheld commission, among other things. Her advice if you are tackling a bully at work is to be armed with as much information as possible. And keep records of every confrontation or episode of bullying.

There are different types of bullying. Physical, psychological – for example, excessive financial control – cyberbullying and verbal. It all comes back to someone trying to frighten or hurt.
Why do bullies bully? Sometimes because of low self-esteem, a difficult home life, an insecurity about friendships or relationships. Bullies could be reacting to a stressful incident in the only way they know how. Maybe they were bullied as a child and this negative behavioural cycle has taken over as a way to live and as a defence mechanism.

To know why is helpful – but it does not justify bullying behaviour.
As I write, evidence is being submitted to an inquiry into the alleged bullying behaviour of our Deputy Prime Minster, Dominic Raab. Senior civil servants and permanent secretaries are among those accusing him of bullying behaviour. So, when does firm leadership under high pressure stop being just that and become bullying? In high pressure situations is being a bit short on the gentler management style okay?

Wherever bullying is happening, it comes down to a conscious decision to be unkind or cruel. Such destruction, misery and pain is long term. It is something we should all be more aware of in our own behaviour and be more ready to step in to support or stop in others when we can. There are many relevant websites.
Here are two I found most helpful: www.antibullyingpro.com and www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk
If you would like to discuss this in confidence please contact me on the number below.
Alice Johnsen is a life coach based near Sherborne. Phone: 07961 080513; visit www.alicejohnsen.co.uk